When I talk to a manager, I feel He is important. When I talk to a leader, I feel I am important.
This sentence resonates in my mind each time I have one-to-one conversations with either my subordinates or people higher than me in the hierarchy, whether I feel being made important, or whether I am being made understood that I am nothing compared to how great the person in front of me is. Why is that so important to feel important? Well, simply because people who feel important are the ones who try to run the extra mile and who over-achieve.
But what makes that difference between making the person feel important, and making yourself look important? What is the difference between someone who is able to let the credit be granted to the employee, and someone who takes the credit because he considers he should as he is the manager?
Observing many managers and many leaders above or below me in the hierarchy of the various organizations I worked in, here are the 3 recurring patterns I identified.
Capability
First of all, the leaders who made me feel important have always been the ones capable in their field. Indeed, in order to make someone feel important, you have to tell him or her why she is important. And even though it may seem basic, it has to happen on concrete and specific arguments. Telling someone “Wow, you have done a great job” without knowing what the job is about does not seem real and does not let the person remember why he or she is so unique and so important. However, telling someone “Wow, Sally, I am really impressed by the solution you have found to produce that report in such a unique way for Client X. I know that the client had asked for that improvement for 3 months, but nobody had been able to answer in such an impressive way.” will make the person feel important because he or she knows that you appreciate the size of the challenge. And appreciating the size of a challenge means that you have to know what the challenge is about. Giving specific comments require to know what you are talking about. Managers who only apply generic principles of good leadership learnt in training, without knowing the field in which they are supposed to lead their teams will not make you feel that important, because you will always know more than them, and you will quickly find out that they do not praise on specific achievements but only on principles. Maybe because they have a placeholder in their calendar to send a thank you note, or a recognition message every Wednesday morning, which has nothing to really do with what makes you feel important… Managers who are really capable in their field though, will know how to make you feel important, not just because a calendar reminder rang on Wednesday morning, but because he or she is able to truly appreciate the value you bring to the organization. These ones are the real leaders.
Credibility
Second, the leaders who made me feel important have always been the ones who are credible in their messages. A manager telling you how fantastic you are when you know you just did your job, no more, no less, does not sound real, and does not make you feel you are that important either. Credibility means to say true words, and to genuinely mean them. Good leaders weigh their words and put them in a context that allow you to believe that they can be followed. When they recognize you, or when they ask you to take on a new challenging project or task, you know what they have in mind, and you know that you can believe in them. They are also able to realistically tell you when you did not do a good job, and they say it with the intention to help you do better next time, because you are important to the organization, and so it is important that you are able to grow and learn from your mistakes. True leaders are credible because they say the goods as well as the bads, realistically, letting you appreciate what’s in it for you – for you to learn, for you to grow, for you to excel. They invest their time in you because you matter. They praise you when you deserve it, but most importantly, they know how to tell you the truth that you have to hear at the right time, so that you can learn from your successes and your failures and adjust accordingly. You feel important with them, because they send credible messages showing you that you are an important asset to their teams.
Compatibility
Third, the leaders who made me feel important have always been the ones I have been able to connect with. You can have a brilliant manager, who has lead large winning teams with great success, and yet not feel comfortable with that person. The opposite is also true: I remember learning a lot from a manager that was criticized by almost everybody. It just happened that our personalities had lots in common, and he knew how to make me feel important because he would expect similar tricks from his manager to feel important himself. We were simply on the same wavelengths, here again for the goods and the bads, and he knew how to tell me what I had to do when I was not on the right track, which made me feel important as he was able to re-direct me to the right track in no time. Under his leadership, I have always felt important because he would invest in the time I needed, just when I needed it, and he would know when to let me fly on my own wings when I could. I think the main reason why I learnt so much from him was simply because he would have expected similar inputs from his manager if he had been in the same situation at the same time. The compatibility of our personalities was what made me trust him and what let him know how to manage me so that I would feel important when I should, in order to gain the confidence in myself that I would overcome various challenges. The main lesson I learnt from him as I became a manager myself? Adapt to the people you lead, so that your steer will make them feel important as if you were them, in the same situation. Become compatible with them in order for them to trust you and be inspired by you as if you were in their shoes. If they need time, give them time; if they need challenges, give them challenges; if they need frequent feedbacks, give them frequent feedbacks; if they need independence, give them independence. In my mind, good leaders start by getting to know their people, understand them, and know to adapt to the style of each individual to make each team member reach their full potential.
All in all, being a good leader makes you be a windmill in your organization rather than a blocker. Being a good leader helps you drive your own team, as well as get the recognition of your peers and any other team member who, in turn, would like to belong to your own team. Gaining that recognition and visibility beyond your team is what makes you grow in your organization.
So what does it take to be an above average leader? On top of these 3 aspects (Capability, Credibility, Compatibility), I do see 2 additional characteristics of good leaders – team leaders, but also leaders who know how to influence their organization without necessarily managing teams. Do you want to find out what these 2 characteristics are and know more about what it means and what it takes to be yourself one of these windmills? Check it out, it is all explained in Resistance is Existence …
The Process Excellence String of Ariadne 